/pony/ - Pony

I think I’m beginning to understand the concept of visiting someone for no other purpose than having a casual chat with them. 

Perhaps it may seem strange to you that someone would struggle with this concept, and if that’s true, then I envy you just a bit. To me, talking for the sake of talking has always been strange, and I often find myself bored, frustrated, or otherwise stressed, any time I’m at someone’s house and we’re not actively doing something other than talking.

I understand casual chatter when passing someone in the hall at school, or when using the break room at the same time;  or perhaps just when you work at the next desk over and your work doesn’t strictly involve language, so chatting is easy. That makes sense, because the conversation is facilitated by a sort of carrier activity.

But when I’ve gone to the trouble of driving to someone’s house, or if I’ve invited them over, and we’re not playing a game, or watching videos, or enjoying some new wine they just bought? It always strikes me as odd, which is further confounded by the way I find television distracting, but other people seem to need it to enjoy themselves. Perhaps they are experiencing the same phenomenon from a different angle.

I suspect it is largely in part to the secluded, very rural nature of my childhood home. IWe lived very far from most of our relatives, and since my parents were often too busy to drive me places, visiting friends was always at least a 20 minute bike ride away. If I was going to visit anyone, it was to try out a new video game, or to watch a movie, or for a birthday party. There was always an activity that allowed for conversation.

When my relatives visited, it was always accompanied by a card game like Rumme or Cannasta at the very least, if not a more involved and colorful system like Monopoly, Catan, and others like that. Maybe there were a few times my uncles would visit on their way through to a different destination, but they always chatted with my parents while I played a game or read a book.

Now that I’m an adult, and most of my relatives see me that way as well, I’m beginning to notice more and more an expectation that visiting someone for a chat is just a normal thing, and it’s taken me a while, but I think I’m starting to get it. We live so near to each other. I can’t think of a single person on my wife’s side who lives more than 20 minutes from where I am now; considering the fact that as a child my nearest relative by physical distance lived nearly an hour away - that’s very strange to me!

But I think I get it. We live such busy lives sometimes, we forget, or feel as though we don’t have the time and energy to visit each other. But we’re friends and family for a reason. We like to be near each other, even if it’s just to say “hey how have you been?”—which is actually not a small question if said with intention.
Someone recently told me that “The Christmas Holiday is not a vacation. It’s intended so that we can all have time off at the same time, to see each other.” And that surprised me a bit—a lot, actually—because I never realized that’s how I saw it: A vacation. As a child, Christmas holiday used to always be the time when I had no obligations, and I could play in the snow (if there was any) with my brothers or sleep in all the time and read a book, and yes of course I often got new toys and we attended some very special Church services.

Now as an adult, I think I can see that Christmas really is used as a day dedicated to family who aren’t usually there, and friends you’re too busy to see, but whom you care about a lot. And having a casual chat about nothing in particular, with nothing else going on - no tv, no movie, no card games - is a regular and completely normal part of all of that. It’s taken me a few years into adulthood to get it, but I think I do now, and I’m grateful to the person who pointed that out, so that I can appreciate much more now the closeness I have with my near and far friends and family.

Happy Holiday Season everyone.